The last few weeks I’ve been writing about pausing, trusting, and relaxing into life. I love this topic and this practice. It’s where my passion lies.
I’m fascinated how our childhood conditioning can impact us so much in the present moment. Here we are grown women and men and we can still find ourselves perceiving and responding to our lives from our inner child; including the need to control or our inability to relax and trust.
I know all too well what it feels like to live in fear, be consumed with anxiety, have a racing mind, and the need to try and control everything.
When I finally had had enough and wanted to change my life for the better, this need to control continued to show up in my spiritual path for years - in trying to control my meditations and a strong belief that I should or shouldn’t be doing or feeling a certain way.
The storyline may have looked different, but I was still trapped in the confines of ego structures.
My old behaviours didn’t shift, they extended to everything I did, including my desire for greater peace. I was never enough.
Looking back, I now know my compulsion to apply force was driven by fear, not love.
I totally get it when people tell me they know they are trying to control everything but are afraid to stop or don’t know how to.
Through my personal exploration and sharing the journey with my clients, it has become pretty clear that our fear, anxiety or need to control is a result of our conditioning as a child. Somewhere along the way we had to adopt these beliefs and behaviours as a survival mechanism.
I’m always blown away by how true this is when I uncover the origins of a belief, feeling or behaviour I have. It’s like a history book that’s stored on the shelf. It might be dusty, rarely opened, or often forgotten about, but it’s still there holding information from the past.
This conditioning is below the surface, in our subconscious, which is in our body.
Our body has all of the information and experiences from our past, as well as the answers, the wisdom, and the truth.
Today my daily practice is somatic. Being in my body is where I choose to hang out and explore.
My practice is tuning into how my body feels, how I respond or react. My body is constantly giving me so much information; it’s a matter of stopping and listening with care, compassion and curiousity, while also inquiring.
What I love more and more about my practice is my intention to treat myself, my emotions, and feelings with the gentleness I would a child. As I’m writing this, I’m noticing how my body is softening. These words are clearly soothing to my soul.
Our child within wants to feel safe, loved and cared for. When the child inside feels safe and held, things naturally start to change. We may notice our nervous system is more relaxed. We are less reactive, calmer, or more present. We may have more clarity and are able to observe our feelings or reactions more objectively. There may be less of a need to control everything, and ultimately greater trust in ourselves.
It’s a process. Not a race. Gentleness is the key.
I have so much compassion for people’s hardship and suffering, and I am also in awe when I hear and witness people’s stories of what they have endured and overcome.
I admire anyone who has the willingness and courage to go inward. It’s not always comfortable when we enter unchartered territory. But I know from my experience it is where our freedom, peace and true fulfillment lies.
In a world that can look or feel harsh, with so much uncertainty, it can really trigger that part of us that needs to control.
It is possible to choose something different when it comes to our relationship with ourselves.
What if you had the willingness to stop and be?
What if you could treat yourself with the love you would have for a child?
What if all of the answers are within, it’s merely taking the time to stop and listen?
If you are struggling with anxiety or feeling stuck, please reach out. I’d love to support you through my private coaching sessions. When we work together you will experience and feel for yourself how a gentle compassionate approach is deeply transformative.
With love and compassion,
Diane