Many of us find it difficult to accept compliments but easy to believe the slightest criticism.
We may have a hard time receiving positive feedback or praise; it makes us feel uncomfortable or think receiving recognition is arrogant or egotistical, so we downplay it.
This behaviour is a result of our conditioning. We may have been raised to be modest or not to get “too big for our britches,” so we play small and try not to get noticed.
Or maybe as a child, we didn’t feel loved or seen in the way we wanted to. As a result, we may believe, “I am not worthy.”
This conditioning impacts how we see ourselves and relate to others and the world.
A friend and I had a great conversation about this on our walk and talk last week.
I was sharing how someone said how much they liked my dress, and instead of simply saying ‘Thank you’, I replied, “Oh, I got it on sale.” Afterwards, I was curious about my reply and how I did not receive this compliment fully.
As we continued walking, I told my friend what a dynamic presence she had, and she unknowingly sluffed it off. When I brought it to her attention, we both laughed. Even though we had just discussed my inability to receive a compliment, it happened again with her. It is a deeply ingrained habit that we don’t even notice most of the time.
So, we promised to say ‘Thank you’ to all future compliments and zip it.
When someone gives us a sincere compliment, it is a gift—a gift of word or praise. When we sluff it off, it is like we are not receiving the gift. Our heart is closed. We aren’t able to receive it fully.
Our ability to say thank you or smile when receiving a compliment shows that our heart is open. We can take in those moments when someone sees the best in us — and we see it too!
Deep down, we all want love and recognition, to be understood, to matter, to feel loved. As adults, our Inner Child longs to be noticed.
Where to start?
Set an intention to notice. At any given time, we can change. It starts with the willingness and intrigue to be present and aware.
Introduce self-compassion. Treating ourselves like we would a best friend increases our self-worth. In really simple ways – change happens. I have noticed a huge shift in the way I feel about myself simply from offering compassion no matter what.
Our true essence is love. We are love. When we continue to be present, curious, and compassionate, we shine a light on those parts that don’t feel worthy of a compliment.
We are not fixing anything; we are accepting everything with loving kindness.
Layers start to fall away, and what continues to reveal itself is our True Nature.
So next time someone compliments you, pay attention to how you respond. Do you automatically deflect or diminish it without even realizing it? Or do you receive it graciously with gratitude?
You matter.
With love,
Diane