Last week was a tough one. I experienced a lot of grief, some sadness, anger, and a sense of loss – all surfacing out of the blue. It was hard.
I wouldn’t have chosen these emotions but at the same time, I have practiced letting these emotions be seen, felt and heard when they show up, knowing it’s an important part of my healing process.
This is the importance of practicing (not perfecting) self-compassion.
Self-compassion isn’t about relying on outer circumstances to feel good about ourselves, it’s loving ourselves, no matter what, because we deserve it.
For me, this means being kind and supportive to myself like I would a close friend.
When everything is good, when I feel happy, productive and engaged in my life fully, being compassionate to myself is a lot easier to do.
The deep spiritual work is when I can be kind, loving and compassionate to myself when I’m not feeling good, I’m not feeling happy or engaged in the way I want to be.
For me it is a moment to moment practice.
This week I became aware of something interesting. This phase of grief I am experiencing is very similar to what I went through last year when I had a concussion; I wasn’t able to work for five months, I couldn’t talk much, had to be in darkness, at times I felt very isolated and spent most of my days in meditation. I practiced self-compassion at this time, too.
Remembering this previous phase inspired me – because I got through it. And not only did I get through it, when I was fully healed, it had changed my life.
Continuing to have a strong mindfulness practice through all of this has taught me time and again, I have no control over what my next emotion is going to be or what happens in my outer world.
The only thing I can control is how I respond.
The silver-lining…
By being present with the pain, I am connecting to a strength and presence within that is not dependent on outer circumstances. It is who I am.
I am also able to connect with other people’s pain with more compassion.
I’m noticing, when a client is sharing their pain or struggle with me, I can connect to their pain deeply and hold it with love. This connection and compassion allow healing to happen.
So, what’s the first step in showing ourselves greater self-compassion? Where do we start?
I start with the question, ‘What do I need?’
And then I listen.
Maybe it’s to be quiet, meditate and be alone.
Maybe it’s to get out of town and visit friends.
Maybe it’s to go for a walk or a yoga class.
Maybe it’s to do nothing.
Maybe its to hug myself and be with my feelings.
There is something empowering about listening and honouring what we need. Not what we ‘should’ need or what other people think we need but going within for the answers.
Can we give ourselves permission to feel the tough emotions, feel vulnerable?
It doesn’t mean we are less than or not good enough. It means we are incredibly strong and resilient.
It’s quite the ride!
It feels good to share my vulnerability and is healing to let my emotions have a voice. I know I am enough, no matter what. I am aware of the light shining within me again and am trusting in the ever-changing landscape of consciousness.
Thank you for sharing the journey with me.
Much love,
Diane