Mindful Monday: Befriending Fear

Dear friends,

Last week I went for a walk on the beach. It was such a beautiful day. Picture perfect.

As I was sitting on the sand looking at the open sky and water, sadness spontaneously came to the surface. Tears started rolling down my face. There wasn’t a story attached to my feelings, it just was.

So, I created space. I let the emotion and feelings be. I observed the tears as they rolled down my cheeks. They felt soft and warm.

I also felt a real tenderness in my heart. A vulnerability. Like a feeling of loss.

So, I put one hand on my heart and the other hand on my belly and I breathed. I breathed in the beautiful fresh air. I continued to breathe in and out.

When the tears stopped, I felt a spaciousness within me and all around me. I felt free. Like the spacious sky and water with no apparent beginning or end. It was quite beautiful.

Being present with my experience allowed me to release something that was ready to be released and as a result there was an opening or awakening to more presence. 

I have been asked a lot lately about how to deal with emotions that are so up and down.

It makes sense that our emotions may feel like a bit of a rollercoaster right now. Collectively, there is so much worry about money, work, family, health, the future. Life as we know it is changed, rather abruptly and still with a lot of unknowns.  

Feeling fear and worry is part of being human. The emotion itself is not the problem. It might be uncomfortable - but it is not the problem.

The problem comes when we judge fear, or try and push fear away.

Our mind starts to ruminate. Our body gets more anxious. Then fear takes the driver’s seat and it can become debilitating.

Our amygdala in the brain will be on high alert, and we will find ourselves having a fight, flight or freeze response because our parasympathetic nervous system has been activated.

The solution is not to get rid of fear…it is to BE with fear.

Several people have mentioned to me how they have been hard on themselves thinking thoughts like, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way”, “What’s wrong with me?” 

There is nothing wrong with you.

We don’t have control over what our next emotion or thought is going to be, but we do have a choice of how we respond. Do we observe or judge? 

I don’t practice mindfulness with the goal of feeling happiness 24/7.

I practice mindfulness because it allows me to be more present, to observe my thoughts and feelings, and find acceptance with what is.  

Acceptance brings peace. Peace brings freedom.  

If you are noticing that fear or tension is showing up in a certain a part of your body, take time to be with it.

If we are observing fear with the intention of getting rid of it – this doesn’t work either. Fear isn’t stupid. Fear knows what our intention is.

Here’s what I like to do:

  • Find a quiet place.

  • Observe your body. Where is the fear (or any feeling, tension etc) in your body? What does it feel like? Get curious.

  • Place one hand or both hands where the fear is showing up.

  • Breathe into the feeling. Breathe in and out

This will send a signal to the fear that it is being supported with compassion and gentleness.

When we can approach fear with more gentleness, healing happens. Maybe not all at once, but it does happen.  

Yes, this is a challenging time. But why make it any harder on ourselves? Compassion, gentleness and kindness are what we all need right now. 

I encourage you to create space for your feelings. Hold them tenderly and keep those hearts wide open.

With much love,
Diane