A lot of people are feeling the ups and downs of emotion right now, and it can feel quite uncomfortable.
I am being asked by many how to deal with emotions that feel really intense. So, I thought I would share some of my thoughts with you.
We are all navigating through life. In each moment we are doing the best we can.
Maybe you feel like you keep running into unexpected roadblocks. Maybe there seems to be no rhyme or reason as to why these big waves of intense emotion keep pounding you.
Either way, it’s overwhelming. It’s feels “disruptive” to living your daily life.
The key question is: What happens when we feel overwhelmed with emotion?
It seems we are living in a society that is so invested in being comfortable that many believe it’s not ok to feel any emotion other than happiness. Some people will go to great lengths to not feel uncomfortable.
Common beliefs like, ‘I shouldn’t be feeling this way, ‘I am weak’, ‘What’s wrong with me? I should be happy like they are’ can take over and hijack us.
So, when any uncomfortable feelings show up, we may distract ourselves; numb ourselves, stay busy, buy more, work more, overindulge in so many ways and judge ourselves harshly.
What if we became willing to get uncomfortable?
There is nothing wrong with us when we have tough emotions.
It doesn’t mean we aren’t doing well. It means we are human.
The truth is we don’t have control over what our next emotion is going to be. We may think we do, but just like our thoughts, we can’t control it.
We do, however, have a choice of how we respond and support our emotions.
For many years I was constantly running from my feelings. I would go to great lengths to not feel. I desperately wanted peace but what I didn’t realize was that my unwillingness to be with my feelings was the very thing that was keeping my peace at bay.
Today I practice being with my feelings.
It doesn’t mean it’s always easy. But what I find is when I have a willingness to feel and support myself with compassion it is such a different experience than being consumed and battling with my emotion. It’s a relief. It truly is freedom.
“It’s possible to be free from suffering when there is no desire to be free from suffering. “
~ Almaas
This is not an all or nothing approach. Like all changes to behaviours and patterns, it takes practice and time to establish a new way of doing things.
Trust me – getting angry and frustrated with yourself for feeling overwhelmed is not helpful. It becomes a vicious cycle no one deserves to go through.
Keep things simple. No need to over-complicate the overwhelm.
Some helpful points to keep in mind:
· Feelings are not facts – the average feeling lasts 90 seconds but our reaction lasts much longer. You can’t control the feeling; you can control the response to it.
· Don’t resist it – the more you resist it the longer it sticks around and creates tension.
· Treat yourself with kindness – stop judging yourself. Be compassionate and tender like you would to a child in distress.
· Breathe into it – don’t push it away or try to fix it, instead breathe into the feeling to bring life, energy and support to the part that is suffering.
· Meditation - A regular meditation practice will support you in being able to observe your feelings rather than resist them. It also releases built-up stress from your nervous system.
From my own experience and the experience of those I work with, when we are willing to turn inward lovingly and hold space for the part that is hurting, we learn we can observe the emotion rather than be the emotion.
“I’m experiencing sadness” is different than “I am sad’.
Also, I use EFT, a technique I have mentioned before and also what I use in my private coaching sessions. It is one of the most effective techniques to help release emotion in a gentle and supportive way, which creates space for peace, clarity and relaxation.
I don’t practice mindfulness with the goal of feeling happiness 24/7.
I practice mindfulness because it has given me a greater capacity to be with my emotions, to observe them and to find acceptance with what is.
This is what freedom means to me and I wish the same for you.
Diane