Allowing. It’s a word we often talk and read about on the path of self-discovery; a vital part of the awakening of our soul. Sometimes allowing can come easily, sometimes it can be confusing, and sometimes we can resist.
Maybe we find ourselves not quite sure what it even means.
Allowing is being with what is, as it is. It’s taking a hands-off approach and allowing the process to unfold as it will, without the need to manipulate or fix it.
This creates space for healing, integration and transformation.
Let me provide you with a personal example of allowing.
Last week I went for a hike in the woods. When I entered, I immediately felt a welcoming embrace. I observed how my body started to relax and soften. There was a beautiful, refreshing breeze and it all felt like Fall. There was a sense that everything was exactly as it was meant to be – the leaves were falling with grace, the uprooted was perfect, nothing was trying to be anything other than what it was. It was comforting to observe this level of surrender and wisdom.
As I continued on the path, I noticed a heart shape in the dirt in front of me. Love was staring me in the eyes. My child self was delighted!
I felt the presence of the forest and I was present to my surroundings. Nature was my teacher and showed me every step of the way what allowing looked like, and felt like.
The very next day, I was given an opportunity to put the teaching of ‘allowing’ into practice.
That day, I woke up to the feeling of a heavier emotion. It felt like an unexpected visitor that showed up at my door. A part of me wanted to say, “Sorry I’m busy” and close the door. However, another part said, ‘Welcome, I want to get to know you.”
So, I chose to listen to the latter, and practiced being with and holding space for my feelings and emotions.
It felt comforting when I gave all of the feelings my sincere attention. I took the time to breathe into the feeling, finding my breath brought a calm healing presence into the field. I talked to my feelings. I held my feelings with both hands.
Creating space for the feelings brought forth an understanding. I recognized I was processing the retreat and the teachings from a few weeks prior. The content of the retreat was landing and giving me an opportunity to have a direct experience of what was taught.
As I write this, I am deeply touched, more than ever, by the power of offering love, compassion and care to ALL parts of myself. Not only that, I am more connected to my true essence.
What I know from my own personal experience...
Being with my emotion gave me freedom and peace. Resisting my emotion would've kept me stuck and identified with the ego.
When we resist it is our ego at play. We think resisting will keep us from feeling pain. When in reality, the resisting is keeping us stuck and in pain. It creates stress and tension in our mind and body and creates a disconnection from our truth which, in itself, creates pain in our soul.
It’s not easy to feel intense emotions. This is where self-compassion plays an important role. Knowing, in any given moment, we are all doing the best we can.
When we can stay grounded in our body and observe the feeling rather than being engulphed by it, we can provide support to the feeling. We can give the emotion the attention it is longing for.
I think emotions are very misunderstood. Most of us haven’t been taught how to be with our feelings. In fact, we may have been given the message “Suck it up. I’ll give you something to cry about. Be a big boy/girl.” There was an underlying message that happiness is good and everything else is bad.
This conditioning runs deep so when we have difficult feelings we may hide them, push them down, and maybe even feel shame. It is our automatic default response.
However, if a child was upset, what would we do? We would comfort the child. Maybe hold the child and say, “I’m here for you. I love you”, providing love and reassurance.
What if, we provided the same comfort to our own Inner Child and the part of ourself that is suffering?
Because that is what it wants; to be noticed, held and understood. It wants to be free. It doesn’t want to be judged, fixed or pushed away.
We can’t control what is happening in our outer world or when a feeling will arise. We can, however, choose to support ourselves as we navigate through the highs and lows of life, allowing ourselves to feel safer in our body and in our life and more connected to our true essence.
This is freedom. This is empowering. And this deepens our connection to love and all that is.
With loving kindness,
Diane