Two weeks ago, I participated in a 5-day retreat, and like every retreat, the real work comes when it’s over and I bring the teaching into my life. The Universe presents opportunities for me to practice, and there are always opportunities!
During the retreat, we explored how we each have 1000s of self-images frozen in time that we present to the world as our identity; this can also include self-images we are ashamed of and want to hide.
We think this presentation is who we are. We have self-images about our work, physical appearance, intelligence, status and more.
Some examples:
I’m weak / I’m strong
I’m successful / I’m a failure
Everybody loves me / I’m not loveable
I’m shy / I’m outgoing
I’m not disciplined and lazy / I’m disciplined
I’m intelligent / I’m stupid
The list goes on. Most of these images are unconscious, and we don’t question them. Instead, they serve to inform us of who we think we are, and what role(s) we think we should be playing.
We begin to believe that our value lies in these frozen self-images and the resulting labels we use to define ourselves. “It’s just who I am” we may think to ourselves.
But all of these self-images/beliefs/thoughts fill up our inner space and we end up putting ourselves in a box, and ultimately, we lose touch with who we really are.
We are seeing, feeling and reacting from the past which is frozen in time.
For most of my life, I had the self-image, “I am a traumatized person” and I didn’t realize this until it was brought to the light a few years ago.
Yes, it’s true I experienced trauma as a child, but this does not define who I am. I understand how this image was developed, how it was limiting my connection to my truth, and now I can be free from this image or identification.
The role we play in our family brings up a self-image. We can feel like a grown-up, capable and whole, and then when we are with family, we may find ourselves reverting back to our old family role and being triggered in those old familiar ways.
Most can relate to this. Have you ever left a family gathering and afterwards felt a little irritated, maybe felt as though you weren’t being yourself in that moment, as though you were performing? Often, we don’t recognize it in the moment. We fall into the pattern of wearing the old labels, being the person frozen in time, when we’re with our family of origin. Afterwards, we may reflect and feel the misalignment with our true self.
During the retreat, I started to write down some of my self-images. The list just kept getting longer and I thought, holy cow this is a lot. There was no judgment, simply a realization of how I am identifying with these images, and how it causes me to see through this false lens, and then react or respond in certain ways.
It’s all very fascinating!
When we were born, we were present. We were fluid, open and in touch with our essence.
This means, being present is our natural state of being.
But as we grow and learn and absorb our environments, we become conditioned. Learning from our parents/schools/media/society, we pick up beliefs about who we are and what life is all about. These beliefs have been validated over and over again by people and our society.
What I love about having a mindfulness practice is we can explore all of this with compassion, knowing there is nothing wrong with you or me, there is nothing to change or fix.
All that is required is the desire and willingness be present. We are shining light on these structures. The light is what dissolves the structures - not judgment or hate.
Try this exercise:
Think of a self-image you have.
What’s the first one that comes to mind?
Where did it start? (With your parents, school)
How does this self-image impact you?
How does this self-image try and get seen by other people?
How much energy and time in your day is this self-image consuming?
Be curious.
Remind yourself,
“This is a structure. It is not all of me.”
It was learned. It has been validated for many, many years.
Notice how it plays out during your day or week.
The self-images can show up as feelings in the body. Notice that.
There is nothing to change.
Simply be curious.
We are observing the self-image rather than being the self-image. We are noticing whatever arises in the moment without the need to change or manipulate, and when we do try and change it, we notice that.
This is where the freedom lies.
We live more authentically. We can love more fully. We feel safe in our bodies and in our life.
We are reclaiming our Truth.
It’s a beautiful, challenging, awkward, amazing, mysterious (and everything else in between) journey. I’m so grateful we can explore these things together.
With love,
Diane