Consciousness is alive and dynamic. It’s a mystery unfolding in every moment with no beginning or end. I was reminded of the ever-changing landscape of this reality last week.
I recently participated in a 5-day retreat rich with content and experiences. It took me to unchartered territory, and there were many moments when I felt so energized and excited to explore this new terrain.
My soul knew these teachings were jewels guiding me home to the Truth.
The day after the retreat, I was still processing all that had unfolded. I felt very spacious and open to the newness of my experience. It felt good.
The following day things changed.
The spaciousness had vanished, and I woke up feeling really heavy. It felt like grey walls were closing in on me, and a voice said, “That wasn’t going to last. Look at you. You’re feeling heavy.”
It was such a contrast, a real downer.
I didn’t take long to identify this feeling and voice as the Super Ego. The one who shows up when we step out of the box and expand beyond the familiarity of our conditioning.
What I find so fascinating is how sophisticated the Super Ego is. Not only does the voice of the S.E. appear, but it also shows up in other ways; we can feel heavy in our bodies, have no energy, and feel deflated or hopeless.
The Super Ego is highly critical and filled with shoulds or should nots.
It can sound like Eor from Winnie the Pooh, a dictator or bossy pants. It can say things like, “Who do you think you are? You’re not good enough. You’ll never change. You failed again.”
It's job is to keep us small and prevent us from changing or stepping outside the box. The S.E. is not bad. It thinks it is keeping us safe, which is how it operates. So, when we know this, we can learn how to work with it rather than be a victim or battle against it.
What was my approach with the Super Ego last week?
When I became aware of what was happening, I took charge. I raised my hands and put them out in front of me. I spoke to the S.E. out loud with force and said, “Stop! You aren’t helping me. What you are saying isn’t true. Take a hike!”
Then I was silent.
I took a few breaths.
I did a check-in to see how I felt.
I repeated these words. The key - keep it short and sweet.
It might seem silly or ridiculous to talk to your S.E. in this way, but from experience, it works!
Then, I put on some music and danced for two songs. When we move our body, it moves the energy. It’s another effective (and enjoyable) way to disengage the ego.
Things shifted. The heaviness had lifted. I felt more present, and I felt like me again. I carried on with my day.
Had I listened to the voice of the Super Ego, it could’ve hijacked my whole day, my entire week, or longer - which looking back on my life, has happened a lot.
When we defend ourselves, we are taking our power back.
There are many other ways we can disengage with our Super Ego. My approach is a few examples.
As spiritual explorers, we are growing, shifting, and awakening to the Truth. We are stepping out of the box of self-images and limitations that have defined us and rediscovering our True Nature.
Along the journey, we will experience moments of expansiveness, contraction, resistance from the unconscious, and everything in between.
Instead, can we:
Be present and use our tools to support us?
Be open to each experience as it unfolds naturally?
Support ourselves with kindness and compassion?
As soon as we make an effort or try to change our experience, we’ve let the ego into the driver’s seat, which will keep us stuck in a vicious cycle that feels like Groundhog Day.
What can we do instead?
We can practice.
Practice is the path, and the path is practice.
Our mindfulness practice allows us to develop a present-moment awareness. We stay close to our body, feelings, sensations, reactions, thoughts, etc. We create an intimate connection with all our parts.
Being grounded in the here and now fosters trust and deepens our connection to the Self. It allows us to observe and objectively see things for what they truly are – including the Super Ego.
Tomorrow, I am taking another trip around the sun and celebrating my ‘unbirthday.’ Next year is a Leap Year and will be the big one!
The most precious gift in life is the peace I feel in my heart, which continues to grow.
Over the years, my approach to self-discovery has changed tremendously. In the past, I was rarely present. I was always focused on that future moment when I would be fixed, or something would be different. Looking back, I see how I spent so much time seeking inner peace.
At the time, I had no idea that this was my ego controlling the show and keeping my inner peace as a distant dream I might reach one day.
I don’t long for peace anymore; I practice being here right now, which naturally brings peace.
This is what I call freedom.
May you find yours.
With loving kindness,
Diane