Last week, I shared my thankfulness for the compassion I have learned and continue to work to develop for myself. I also shared the incredible grace that comes from meeting ourselves and our experiences exactly where we are, creating the space within for love and acceptance.
I want to dig a little deeper into this today.
Perhaps one of the greatest struggles I hear from people I work with is how to become less critical of themselves and their experience. "How do I get rid of this frustration, anger, and pain and make space for peace and calm? I want to feel good in my skin. I want to feel joy."
These questions and concerns are not just for newcomers to mindfulness and meditation; they are part of the human experience, and we will be faced with them time and again throughout our lives.
Having a regular practice and living from a place of love and intention does not exempt us from struggle, but it does help to inform and remind us of the importance of being compassionate with ourselves and whatever we may be experiencing.
It’s easier to find gratitude and joy in the blissful moments, but can we cultivate compassion and love during stickier, uncomfortable times?
Spiritual teacher Matt Kahn teaches the importance of saying ‘yes’ to our experiences.
He said the more we carry that affirmative ‘yes’, the more we permit ourselves to become who we are.
He used this example,
Imagine a butterfly landing in your hand with grace. It is beautiful and free. You don’t want the butterfly to fly away, so you capture it, put it in a jar with a twig, and close the lid, hoping to contain and keep its beauty. But by trying to hang onto the butterfly, you are holding it prisoner and no longer free.
Can we say ‘yes’ to our reality and experience, whether beautiful and joyous or hard and complicated?
Some mornings, I wake up feeling incredibly expansive and blissful. As I go about my day, I feel present, connected, and grateful—a perfect day of sorts.
Yet, the very next day, I can wake up feeling irritated and heavy. Nothing in my outer life has changed, yet my energy has shifted a lot from the day before, and I feel contracted and heavy.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t like it when this happens.
The Inner Critic says things like, 'What happened? Where did the blissful feeling go? You just had it. This is awful. You'll never have peace.'
Sound familiar?
If we identify with the Inner Critic that says something is wrong with us and our experience, we have surrendered our power and lost touch with our true essence.
We have another choice - to practice mindfulness.
With awareness, we can choose to observe the part that is resisting the experience, and also offer compassion to the feeling of heaviness or discomfort.
We aren't relying on having certain feelings to feel at peace.
What we resist persists.
What we feel, we heal.
This is freedom.
What if we said ‘yes’ more often to each experience, however it looks or feels?
When we do, we’re saying ‘yes’ to loving and honouring ourselves exactly as we are in that moment of time, without conditions.
As Matt Kahn says, we are the receivers of energy, not the managers. We don’t control or contain happiness, peace, and so on. It will come, and it will go.
On those more difficult days, I allow the irritation and heaviness to be with me in my morning meditation. During the day, I hold the feelings as I would hold a child. I practice conscious breathing and Tapping.
There will be a shift at some point, but it cannot be rushed or controlled.
So, I remind myself to be present and, at the same time, not attached.
A great way to start inviting this acceptance into your life is to try this mantra from Matt Kahn:
I say ‘yes’ to who I am.
I say ‘yes’ to how I am.
I say ‘yes’ to exactly who I am.
Try saying this mantra no matter what “type” of day or experience you’re going through—during the highs and the lows. The goal is unconditional love and acceptance for wherever you may be in that moment.
Be well friends.
Diane