I’ve been reflecting on my life a lot lately - partially because I have a birthday coming up on the 29th (I am turning 15 years old in leap years; I’m getting up there!) and partially due to training I’ve been immersed in for a few months, spending a lot of time going deeper.
One of my biggest awarenesses from this is how I spent so much of my life trying to be someone other than myself.
Even though my inner experience has changed so much over the years, it felt like a loss when this truth landed in my heart. There was sadness knowing I spent so much of my life not appreciating who I am, never feeling good enough, or comparing myself to others, wanting to be like others.
When the feelings of sadness and loss showed up, I welcomed them. I honoured and supported this part of me that felt a loss. As that part of me felt seen and supported, there was a resolution. There was spaciousness and peace.
As I write this, I feel settled and content, knowing everything was meant to play out precisely as it has. It has all been part of my journey.
Today, more than ever, I appreciate who I am - not because of what I do or what I have but for who I am – essence.
I honour my strength and courage and I honour all of you for your strength and courage. We all have a story.
I see how my life experiences have made me a very compassionate person. I care. I know suffering. Today, I also know freedom.
While writing this, my inner critic said, ‘This sounds a bit arrogant. Why are you talking so much about yourself?’
So, I say to the Inner Critic, ‘Take a hike! You’re not welcome here.’
It is not arrogant to say I love or appreciate myself. It is not selfish to love ourselves. It is selfless.
Each of us is an individual, unique expression of the Divine and part of the One.
However, at a young age, most of us were taught that our value comes from what we do, look like, what we accomplish, or what we have. As adults, we feel separate, we may strive to be valued on the outside with little focus on the inside.
We can sometimes make our spiritual path something we need to achieve without even knowing. We need to get somewhere and be better. There can be striving and efforting. This conditioning is deeply ingrained in our psyche.
The truth is our value has nothing to do with any of this. We have value because we exist.
In a recent retreat, my teacher told us, ‘You are precious.’
When I heard the words, I received them with openness. There was a ‘Yes I am’.
I appreciated my openness to receiving this message. I wouldn’t typically describe myself as precious. Still, if you think about it, we often will say babies are precious, associating them with being free, innocent, fluid little beings—the beginning of everything.
Then life happens, and our conditioning shrouds the light of our soul. It is like walls, blocks, or layers that become the lens through which we see ourselves and the world. Most often, we do not feel precious.
Yet preciousness is there. It is who we are. Just now, buried beneath the layers, we have become less present and more focused on the past or future.
Our journey is one of remembering our divinity.
This transformation happens by being here now. Just like I used the example of supporting my feelings, we treat ourselves like we would a precious child.
We practice being present in our body with whatever is arising. We meet ourselves there with compassion.
It’s not about how we should feel. It is about how we feel.
When we feel…
Peace.
We notice that.
Lightness.
We notice that.
Sadness or fear, disappointment.
We notice that.
Anger, happiness, tired, spacious, joy.
We notice that.
We support ourselves with love and compassion.
We are relinquishing preferences and surrendering to the moment.
Our willingness to be here now is the very thing that dissolves the blocks and barriers and creates more space for our true essence to shine. We feel and experience the preciousness of our souls.
This is our practice.
There is no right or wrong here; we are getting to know ourselves like we would a dear friend.
Take a breath. Notice how it feels in your body to be here now.
Our home is here in the now. Our preciousness can only be found here in the now.
Our freedom comes when we are interested and willing to practice being here now.
It is grace that we are on a path and interested in self-realization, and it is not always easy, but when we are living our life from this place, we can relax into presence.
We can relax into being.
We are in the world but not of the world.
The preciousness of our soul has space to reveal itself.
This is grace.
With love,
Diane